I’m writing this post in hopes that it will help someone who is going through something similar. I’m also apologizing in advance for the rambling I’m about to do. I’m in a period of my life right now that I can only describe as a quarter-life crisis. Now technically I’m only 23 and maybe I shouldn’t be going through something like this quite yet but let me explain.
I’ve always been a highly motivated person. When I was a child I dreamed of being a doctor or an actress or an editor of a major magazine and I constantly fantasized about my adult life and what it would look like. Going away to college was a huge step for me and really helped me to become the person that I am today. I make very BIG goals for myself and quite frankly sometimes those goals screw me over. So my big goal out of college was to get a job right away, which I did. I interviewed a week before graduation and two more interviews and a whole lot of patience later I got the offer. I was put in customer service (which is not at all what I wanted), but I took it because it was a job and helped me to meet my goal. Although the company was awesome, my actual job wasn’t and the most important aspects of a job weren’t all there. I got a salary (it was a measly salary but still), benefits, 401k options, free drinks (it was a beverage company), fancy parties, great friends, 12 paid vacation days and paid holidays. But what I didn’t get was a good paying salary, the promotions I was promised time and time again, growth in the company, trust in management, support, or help from HR. They were also bought out by a bigger company which created a lot of unrest between employees and I watched as moral dropped.
I was so overwhelmed and stressed by the amount of work that I had that after almost a year of working there I went in one Friday morning and put in my two weeks. WITH NO PLAN. This lead to two months of unemployment until I landed the job I have now which is completely different. I work for a nutritionist in a very small office and I’m technically an assistant but I really just run the front desk. There’s usually no more than 3 or 4 of us in the office at a time. I don’t have a salary, I don’t get paid vacation time until I’m there for a year (and then I get a week), no paid holidays, no 401k options, no lunch break (you eat while you work) and it’s an hourly wage. I’ve only been in this job for a month and my idea in getting this was that it was different. It’s not a large company and I felt like maybe I could learn something here and eventually become a nutritionist myself. But now I’m honestly not so sure that’s even what I want or if it’s even a possibility. I also thought it would be a much less stressful work environment (I was wrong).
I guess it’s like the expression, “you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone”. And quite frankly sometimes I miss the perks of my old job. As I mentioned in my last post, I’m now working a lot less hours. I went from 42 hours per week to about 30 for the summer, which is nice but with an hourly wage it’s kind of stressful. Being completely honest (and I know it’s still new) I don’t love this job either. But I’m sticking it out because they took the time to train me and I owe it to them and myself to give it a good shot.
My biggest problem right now is that I’m so frickin’ confused about my life! With both jobs I felt really optimistic and proud to have gotten them. Only to feel disappointed later when it turned out to be different than what I thought it would be. Because I feel so uneasy in this job right now and in life in general, I sat down last weekend to really figure out what I value and what I really want. I’ve been talking to so many people about this and they always tell me, “if you could do anything what would you do”? And honestly, it would be this! I would love to blog, to write articles, to write books, to become an entrepreneur and have my own business, to create apps and to eventually launch a website in the ecommerce world. I want to be my own boss. But this road is not an easy one. And right now I’m struggling to find out if I should take this extra time I have and throw it into launching a business and focusing wholeheartedly on blogging or should I be considering different career options working for other people? Should I be doing a little of both?
My biggest concern with this job is that I don’t have vacation time which is incredibly valuable to me. I’m also making way less than I made at my last job (and I felt I wasn’t getting paid enough there). I’m not a very money hungry person but I came to the realization that I need to pay off some of this student loan debt, save for a home and a wedding eventually and have some extra money left over to travel or to launch a business or app eventually. And I can’t do any of that right now.
I have a vision board, I’ve made lists of my goals and I know what I want my outcome to be in the years ahead. It’s getting there that is the hard part. Everyone in my life has given me different answers and at the end of the day this has to be my decision. But between the constant confusion and anxiety every day I don’t know what to do next. I also have a raging social media addiction that needs to be taken care of and a procrastination habit that needs to die.
At the end of the day no matter what we are going through or feeling we have to be grateful. Maybe my last job wasn’t great and this current one isn’t perfect or a “dream job”. Maybe my dream job needs to be created. Maybe I’m looking for something that doesn’t exist. Maybe I just need a better attitude. But I’m grateful to have the job that I have and to be able to pay my bills. I’m lucky to have supportive parents and a home to live in. I’m lucky to have a boyfriend who I can build a life with.
This time in life can be hard and confusing and stressful but I really believe I can achieve my goals. And I believe you can too.
So, if you’re confused about your life, please let me know down below. And if you have any advice I welcome it 🙂 As always thank you for reading and following. I can’t wait to look back on this in 4 or 5 years and wonder why we ever worried.
Hope you all have an amazing day.